A spirit-free drink at Trophy Room in the South End costs $7. Across town at Alibi, inside the old Charles Street Jail, the zero-proof list costs $16 a drink. That is what Alibi charges for a gin cocktail too. Same idea, more than double the price, and both bars are being honest about what they are selling.
Plenty of people go out and do not drink. Some are driving, some are taking a break, some never started. Boston's night is built for the opposite, and a menu tells you fast whether a bar noticed you. This guide covers where the zero-proof options are real, what they cost on the venues' own menus, and what to do later when the point of the night is not the bar. Prices and hours are as each place posts them. We have not tasted any of it.
Bars that take zero-proof seriously
The test is simple. Does the bar give the non-alcoholic drink its own line, its own price and its own ingredients, or does it hand you a soda? These do the first.
Yvonne's lists a spirit-free section, and one of its drinks is the Lilikoi passionfruit, ginger, lemon, soda $ 15. That is a few dollars under its cocktails, which run to $20, and it is still a proper drink with a proper price. Alibi Bar and Lounge does the same with a zero-proof section, with an Elmira at $16 on the Liberty Hotel menu.
Hecate gives zero-proof a place in its own navigation, with a menu that runs cocktails | zero proof | snacks. The page we read lists no prices, so we will not quote one.
For a cheaper version, Trophy Room in the South End lists a Virgin Witch (Spirit Free, N/A) at $8 alongside its cider cocktails. In the spirit-free section the posted price is Freedom Punch mango puree at $7. It also lists an Athletic Brewing, Non-alcoholic, Hazy IPA among its bottles and cans at $6.
In our arithmetic, two $7 spirit-free drinks at Trophy Room cost $14, against $30 at Yvonne's, before tip.
Non-alcoholic beer, on a pub menu
The cheap way in is a non-alcoholic beer, and it is more common than it was. Trina's Starlite Lounge in Somerville lists a Notch Non-Alcoholic Pils on its drinks page. The same page lists it as a Salem, MA, Non-Alcoholic Pilsner, so it is local, and a bottle in your hand at a bar like that draws no questions.
Boston Magazine's mocktail round-up points at Backbar in Union Square, and it describes a negroni-style drink made with non-alcoholic vermouth. Its Brookline entry is Barlette, a BYOB bar, where the magazine describes an espresso martini with a house-made zero-proof coffee liqueur. Both are worth a look at the current menu before you go, since the magazine itself hedges on what is on offer.
The bottle shop, and its early hours
Dray calls itself a Non-Alcoholic Bottle Shop, with nothing on the shelves that will get you drunk. The South End shop is at 18 Union Park Street. The Cambridge one sits inside the Market Central complex near Central Square.
The catch is the clock. Both shops post Tuesday – Sunday 12pm – 8pm, so this is a stop before dinner, not after the show. Buy the bottle early and carry it.
Later on, when the bar is not the point
Once the bottle shop shuts, the night has to be about something other than the glass. The options are fewer, and that is worth saying plainly.
- Late food. Bova's Bakery says it is open around the clock. South Street Diner calls itself the only all-night dining destination seven nights a week. The Eat Late page has the rest.
- Comedy. Lucky's Lounge lists free comedy on Mondays, which suits a quiet start to the week.
- Live music. The Lizard Lounge says it is a 21+ club in Cambridge. It also lists that food is served until 11PM, which makes it a place to eat and watch a band without ordering anything strong.
- Games. Our bars with games guide lists rooms where pool, pinball and bowling carry the evening, and none of them require you to drink.
What a zero-proof night costs
Set the posted prices side by side and the picture is plain. In our arithmetic, a night of two spirit-free drinks at Trophy Room is $14 before tip. In our arithmetic the same two at Yvonne's are $30, and at Alibi $32. The cheapest drink on this page is the Athletic Brewing non-alcoholic IPA at $6 at Trophy Room. Trina's lists the Notch pils, but its page does not make clear which price belongs to it, so we will not guess.
The gap is the room, not the drink. At Yvonne's you pay for the setting, the glass and the staff. At Trophy Room you pay for a sensible drink. Both are honest, and which one you want depends on whether the night is a date or a Tuesday.
Our opinion is that the zero-proof section is the best test of a bar. A bar that has thought about it has thought about you. A bar that offers a soda and a shrug has told you what it thinks of the idea.
Getting home, which is still the point
The safe ride home matters on a night with no alcohol too, because the people around you may not be sober. If you are driving, plan the route and the parking before the night starts, and offer rides to the friends who need one. If you are not, the late-night MBTA guide covers the options, and our getting home after last call guide covers the rest.
Doing it without making it awkward
You do not owe anyone an explanation. Order the drink you want, give it a real name and keep your hands busy. A zero-proof cocktail in a proper glass draws no questions, and a plain soda is fine too.
Check the menu before you commit. If a bar has no spirit-free line, ask what the bartender can make. If the answer is a shrug, you have learned something, and you can pick another room.
What to do with this
Start the night at the bottle shop or a venue with a real zero-proof list, then move to a show or a late kitchen. Set the ride home before you leave, and check the live last departure on the Last Train page. If you are the one driving, the plan is the same, and your night costs less than anyone else's. The what a night costs guide shows where the savings go.
Why the bars close when they do is in why Boston closes at 2 AM.